I have no doubt! Such is the statement of certainty! What is that doubt of which we speak? Doubt – that piece of vulnerability nested in a dull ache, a twitch, butterflies in the stomach, nausea, even in a glimmer of hope.

Do you feel it? Might it be an opening? A spark in disguise?

A true, inviting fire – the kind that warms the heart and spirit needs air to breathe life into it. Space between the logs fosters that. The space of doubt pulls in air that can ignite a different kind of spark.

Space between two people can give room for them to recognize their differences, their individuality, and the possibility of coming together again – this time from two separate vantage points.

What is the nature of your doubt? Is your gut haunting you with the possibility that “it isn’t all about your spouse?” That maybe, you, too, have withheld, not explored, not looked within, made assumptions, not given the benefit of doubt that your partner, too, had an interior life full of desire, and of imagining, that life could or would someday be different?

Does this space of doubt ignite wondering over the length of time you have held assumptions, presumed to have “been right?” Does it invite curiosity about who that person is whom you have called your spouse, your partner, your loved one? … What their experience of you might truly be? …Have you contributed to the wrought state of your relationship that once felt precious—and can again?

Does your doubt give pause for introspection: a spark to the possibility that there is more to explore? That there is space for transformation within yourself and within your relationship? … That your coupledom might still take a breath giving both of you air needed to spark a flame, to kindle a bright and enduring fire?

Or is the bright side of your doubt singed after hoping once – or several times before – that things could be “better” and still finding yourself stuck in the ashes?

Do you have no doubt that things will be better by not reaching for the closest oxygen? By throwing water on the remaining embers instead?

Wherever you go, you will take yourself, your past, your patterns, your views of the world, your truths – with you whatever road you choose to travel. With second marriages, having a 60% chance of ending in divorce and third marriages having a 73% chance of the same outcome*, is it possible for you to listen to your doubt, to pay attention to the still voice within to imagine a different dynamic between you and your partner?

The air we breathe is full of things that can increase or impinge upon our health. Oxygen can energize us; toxins can deplete us: it is a matter of how well and how much in concert our cellular and oxygen filters work.

Each partner in a couple brings their filters to bear on the health of their relationship, too. In our homes, we often change the filter of the furnace to cleanse the air. Before dismantling the whole heating structure, we can install different features to freshen the stale air.

When we similarly “install” in ourselves new ways of being and seeing, we may inhale more easily, find that we can breathe life back into a relationship that has grown stifling and kindle a flame of possibility and – even passion – in what was previously conceived of as a frigid or suffocating space.

Doubt is the realm of the imperfect. And who among us is perfect? What can your doubt tell you about yourself and about the positive and negative space in your relationship? Are you willing to yield to doubt, to dig deep, to give yourself and your spouse/partner a chance to breathe fresh air and warm it invitingly, enticingly, consciously, in a vision of renewed closeness, invigorated by your respective separateness?

Doubt is also part of the spiritual quest. Propelling oneself into the unknown – the mystery – is an act of faith in the midst of doubt. If you have questions or a lot of doubt that you’d like to explore with your spouse, please call. I can guide your delving and help you uncover your own truths and paths forward. By stepping into the dark, you may well find new light.

  • According to the 2006 U.S. Census Bureau