It came to my attention today (from the teachings of Swami Satchidananda*) that the difference between Illness and Wellness is “I” (illness) and “We” (wellness). This reminded me of the value for two people in relationship of being fully aware of (your)self as a distinct being so that you can bring that consciousness and freshness to your “mutuality.” …To being in service of each other’s growth without relinquishing your personal responsibility for your own growth and happiness. Two people, side-by-side, not enmeshed, but supportive and encouraging of each other’s uniqueness.

Remember that each of you is a separate being with your own history, pain, hurts, wounds, joys, sorrows, fears, desires, and hopes. When we judge or seek to control the other, we deny them their reality – their experience of life – and deny ourselves the gifts of their truth. When we take back our projections and give up the presumption that our partner is an extension of us, we can learn to love the whole being in front of us. What gets in the way?

Pause. It helps to look under and sense each feeling. Is there rage? Under that you might find and feel fear. Under that you might find and feel grief – and possibly a measure of self-compassion. Under grief you will find and sense caring. With caring, you can act with heart. Acting while letting go of expectation. Acting with unconditional love.

What would that look like? Letting go of expectation (e.g., “I did this – you should do that”). Accepting the other with their wholeness and brokenness – their “strengths and weaknesses”. Yielding to what is. Looking for the Divine sparks in your partner and in life. Paying attention to the positive. Trusting. Taking a leap of faith that it is OK to be vulnerable and believing that your partner will catch you. If you do not feel received (and no, neither of you is a football), try catching yourself “expecting”. Relinquish your grasp. That puts the ball in your court (mixed metaphors happen) and you can regain your center.

Who will you be if you are not grasping to the role of Victim? Martyr? Perpetrator? Might that energy of holding on to those suffering stories be released toward creativity? Toward connection? Toward aliveness? Toward love?

Is there one thing – more than any other – which you know you could do that would help your partner to feel loved? Can you give it unconditionally as a sign of your commitment, as a sign of hope, as a sign of willingness to connect, as a sign of your capacity to listen, as a sign of your courage to be vulnerable, as a sign of generosity of heart?

If you hold hope, feel it inside of you. That matters. As does desire. When you feel sorrow, or powerless in the face of difficulty, it shows you care. It is difficult to live with uncertainty – whether about your relationship or the state of the world. Living with uncertainty is a quest of mindful living. We can only know and experience fully what we have in the present moment.

Bring your higher awareness to yourself, to possibilities for peace, for connection, for joy, for love, and to your innate capacity to be loving and to your worthiness of being loved.

*https://swamisatchidananda.org/revolution-healthcare/

Gail Ferraioli, Clarity Mediations 11-17-2018